The Monkey's Paw

Children avert your gaze! Optimistic college freshmen go back to your dorm holes! Because your dreams might just be ruined. Don't say I didn't warn you.

When you were a kid and had your dream job, what was it about the dream job that made you want to do it? Was it the pay? No. There was potential job growth in the next 10 years? No. Was it because the company matched 3% of your 401k contributions? 3%? What's 3%? Why are there two circles over a slashy line?

You chose your dream job for two reasons. Because it was fun AND awesome. (Yes, in elementary school "fun" and "awesome" were two amazing different adjectives.) You wanted that job because in your mind all you'd be doing all day and everyday was fight fires, fly jet planes and shoot down bad guys, or be a video game tester by day and a marine biologist by night.

Kids you can achieve your dreams if you work for it, but many people underestimate the one thing that will turn your dream job into a monkey's paw. And that's PAPERWORK!!!

No matter what job you have, how awesome it is, or how much you get get paid, I guarantee you'll spend 90% of the time doing paperwork just to do your job. And that's the real tragedy. That dual astronaut captain and doctor job you went through 20 years of school for, then another 13 for training? Well if that doesn't suck all the passion out of the job, well the next 10 years of paperwork for 3 months of being in space will.

What's the solution to remedy this? The way I see it is, you better start getting used to it. The earlier you know the less of a shock it'll be and the easier it'll bet to cope with. Or just get so rich you can pay someone to do the paperwork for you. But if you've been slapped by reality like the rest of the working world, well early education is the way to go. The earlier we cope, the less likely we end up like Milton Waddams in Office Space.

Excuse me, I b-b-b-elieve you have my stapler.

Blog Makeover

So my original intent for this blog was to chronicle my journeys in Asia. A foreign and wild land that I had never visited until last summer (Those blog posts you can still read below). But I never thought of what I'd do with the blog once my trip was over, it seemed that once that trip was over the blog served its purpose and the journey was over.

But I've come to realize that it doesn't end there, and there are many more adventures just in our own neighborhoods, so I feel it is apt to keep this blog alive.

And having a blog is pretty useful too especially when I find so many amusing things on the internet. Case in point: (http://theoatmeal.com/comics/facebook_suck)

But more so this blog is a place to talk about anything and everything so enjoy!

McAsia

One of the many things people notice in Asia is the “Americanization” of Asia, and the people’s obsession with American things. Almost every corner of the major cities in Taiwan and Japan there exists a McDonald’s or a 7-11. It is quite surprising to see how deep American culture has rooted itself into Asia but it’s comforting as well. I don’t think I would have survived Taiwan without those 7-11 or McDonald’s. I’ve definitely been to McDonald’s and 7-11 more times in Asia than I have in the past 5-6 years in America. Although these places originated in America , I must say I keep returning to these places because they’ve surpassed American branches in quality and service. The servers are definitely friendlier and get your food faster, and a plus, you can order a smile at McDonald’s in Japan for 0 yen. Looking at the food in an American 7-11 alone is dangerous, trying to eat one of their hot dogs might kill you. I also like being able to go to 7-11 with a low chance of getting shot or robbed, something that isn’t guaranteed at the American ones. The food at Asian 7-11’s not only taste good but are cheap, and are definitely a far cry from the American ones.

A unique aspect about American chain restaurants in Asia is that their menu is tailored for whatever locale they’re in, so much of the food can’t be found in America. Many of the portions in Asia are way smaller than their American counterparts, for example a small soda in Japan is about the size of a double shot. But I did find one American sized item in Taiwan; the double Big Mac and double spicy chicken sandwich. Pretty much two sandwiches stacked on top of each other in a glorious mound. One difference I also noticed was that all the fast food places in Taiwan (McDonald’s, KFC, etc) had delivery service for free, which we really took advantage of. What a great way to hasten you onto obesity. And another plus in Asia, no tips. Now, in America I don’t mind tipping my waiter/waitress if they’ve been on top of things, but tipping in America is now out of control at nearly 18-20%. What’s worse is that now it’s expected that you tip even though you get crap service. It’s definitely a sight to see to have people serving their customers happily and efficiently without receiving a tip.

Something that differs in Japan from both Taiwan and America is that you pay American prices for Taiwanese sized portions. Because the portions are smaller, there is more care put into the preparation of the food and better quality of ingredients. I admit this makes you eat more slowly and definitely savor every bite, but sometimes I just want my 5 lb steak and just go to town on it.

Mega-post

So its been awhile since I've updated so I guess I'll make it into a sort of double mega post. Right now I'm out of Taiwan and in Tokyo. Looking back Taiwan was an experience with both the ups and downs. I must say that without the roommates I had I probably wouldn't have survived Taiwan haha. They've got to be some of the most entertaining guys I know. A month was a bit long to stay in Taiwan but I did get to see alot more than I expected even though half of it was mountains and grass. It was an experience to see a completely different world outside of California and to see how other people lived. The differences between Asia and the U.S. are pretty stark, and in some ways, Asia has surpassed America.

If you've never been to Taiwan or seen outside of Taipei I would recommend this program. I can't say whether you'll have a good or bad experience but it will be an experience and that you will meet new people. A quick rundown of the program. Its a month-long program where the first two weeks you have class in the mornings and they bus you around Taipei to the different sites. Then for the next 10 days its bus trip around the island of Taiwan where you stop and see different sites. The program is Taiwanese Gov't sponsored where all you have to pay for is airfare and about $600 so its definitely worth the price. Couple people have asked me about the program so i'll give you the info here. Applications open up around Dec or Jan and are due at the end of Feb. you can go to their website here (www.ocac.gov.tw) and click on English and search for their application.

One last funny thing before I move onto Japan. We were walking along the river front (which is like Venice kinda) in Danshui and there's alot of old people fishing. After leaving a store we look over and we see this old dude peeing into the river and right next to him downstream is another old dude fishing haha. Straight out of Borat. But now onto Japan.

After being in Taipei Main Subway Station I didn't think it'd be possible for it to be even more crowded. Imagine Bruin Walk first day of class when all the lost freshmen and people going to class crowd that street, and now multiply it by 10 and you have Tokyo. Everything is mad hectic and the population density is ridiculous. The most amusing thing I've noticed is the overwhelming amount of bad English t-shirts and funny signs you see around town. Its got to be some of the funniest things I've seen (so I'm taking pictures of them haha). Everyone also walks twice as fast as a normal human being. No matter where you go people are rushing around running to their next train station.

I must say I feel completely out of my element in Japan. Even though Taiwan was different, I could generally speak the language and get around but here I have to completely rely on my friend Saki. I feel like I'm 12 years old. But I did make my first order in Japanese the other day, and that was to order a milkshake at McDonald's haha. I'm running out of batteries on my laptop but next post will be soon! Cuz Japan is pretty crazy and wayyyy different than America haha.

Splurge

So it has been awhile since I’ve updated and I do have quite a bit to update. For the past week and a couple days more the next part of the program I’m in includes a round island trip where we take a bus around Taiwan and visit different cultural sites and whatnot. I must say it has been an enlightening experience with many great pics along the way (as you can see if you keep up with my photo portfolio d40dan.shutterfly.com), but as the trip has gone on there has sadly been more cons than pros. But we’ll get around to that.

One thing that has always amused me was whenever I went somewhere touristy like Disneyland or around Hollywood there are always those tour busses full of fobby Asians following a tour guide with a flag. We may find it strange in the U.S. but in Asia it seems to actually be part of the culture. Our trip consists of taking the busses around to different sites and along the way we stop for meals and at these places we stop at, it seems to be dedicated for tour busses to come through. All the places have vendors selling Asian snacks that you see in 99 Ranch, and the meals always have the same thing and hold other people on tour busses. At every place we’ve stayed or stopped at to eat there has always been stale chicken nuggets, soggy French fries, and of course corn. I know for a fact that corn was never a native plant to Taiwan so who knows how it got so integrated into their diet. And those vendors haggle non-stop to always try and get you to buy Pineapple shortcakes and dried squid.

Another funny thing, as we go out farther and farther from Taipei the places we stay get more and more ghetto. No longer do people civilize the jungle, but the jungle takes over everything, houses, streets, and cars. I feel like I’m living in a zoo haha, there are mad bugs everywhere as well as other wonderful wild life such as geckos and lizards running around on the walls. In the forests I also saw a few spiders bigger than my hand; out here people don’t run things f’sure. So one set of pics I had to upload was one of the hostels we stayed at. Somehow someone thought it was a great idea to put the toilet in the same stall as the shower as well as have the whole bathroom outside. Perfect for the user who whenever needs to step outside to used to bathroom gets eaten alive by bugs and mosquitoes.

I must say the scenery and the sites we’ve seen has been breathtaking but if you’ve noticed a pattern in my pics, it does get repetitive after awhile. There are only so many rock structures, mountains, and green I can take before it’s all just one mashed up blob of green.

I think one thing that everyone notices about Asia is how small everything is compared to America, especially the food portions. A medium sized portion in America is a large in Taiwan. Food is cheap here in Taiwan but ironically by the time I eat enough to get full I’ve spent about the same amount as I would have for a meal in America.

The one thing that saves the tiny portions here are the 7-11’s. Unlike American 7-11’s where chances of you getting shot or getting E. coli from a hotdog run high, the Asian 7-11’s are pretty high end. Offering all kinds of actually good food at decent prices; think of it as a Nijiya/Mitsuawa at 99 cent store prices. If it wasn’t for all the rice balls and ham sandwiches they sold, I would probably look like a stick right about now.

And the bathrooms, man are they small. Now, I’m not a big person but one bathroom I went into I couldn’t even close the door fully because my knees stuck out into the door. That’s just ridiculous.

A cultural thing I noticed in Taiwan that I’ve never seen anywhere else is their receipts. Apparently, every receipt that is printed is also a lottery ticket. And every couple of days they announce off a few numbers and you can win different amounts of money per lottery ticket. Now that’s pretty cool, never thought I could win more money by simply buying groceries. And if you don’t want to keep your receipts you can donate them to charity or homeless people hang around outside collecting them.

But since I’m in the middle of nowhere right now, internet is pretty spotty so I’ll call it a night for now and upload before I lose everything I wrote. Try not to have too much fun without me guys haha jk. Till next post!

Another Social Faux Pas

The other day we were wandering around Taipei and as usual its like 95 out with 100% humidity, sweating our brains out. In the faint distance approaching us, I began to hear the melodic electronic tones of an ice cream truck. The simple tune that is the pied piper of every American suburb.

So of course hearing this, the image of a Rocketship popsicle appeared in my head and my mouth began to water. The sound began to round the corner and before I knew it my feet began to pick up speed to meet it.

The music got louder and louder and when the truck rounded the corner, I was not greeted by the familiar white truck with the popsicle menu on the side of it. Instead a yellowing monstrosity rounded the corner belching smoke and stinking up a storm. My friend noticed my crushed spirit and quickly informed me that the trucks that play music are not ice cream trucks, but trash trucks. What a let down, but at least I didn't get hit by people throwing out their trash.

Cultural Differences

Star Date: July 22, 2009

Although it has only been a little over 2 weeks in Taiwan I must say I've definitely noticed some cultural differences here. Some that we should have in the U.S. and some I'm glad we don't have.

First and foremost, the toilet system in Taiwan. Now, this isn't 6 years ago where nearly every single toilet was a hole in the ground, although those still remain. Most places now have flush toilets. But here's the catch, you don't throw your toilet paper down into the toilet, you throw it in a waste basket next to the toilet. I still don't understand the reasoning behind this. Why would you want to stink up the bathroom or have to look at your toilet paper again every time you go to the bathroom? And what's even worse is, if you throw even one little bit of toilet paper into the toilet, it punishes you but completely clogging up the plumbing system and blowing up feces all over the bathroom. Whooo.

Squat toilets still exist in many of the public bathrooms, and as an added bonus you have to bring your own toilet paper.

Speaking of waste another thing that's highly noticeable is the complete lack of trash cans around. Now, in the U.S. you can't go into a restaurant or walk down the street without seeing at least 10 trash cans. Now whether people actually make use of them is a whole other story. But in Taiwan there are virtually no trashcans, except maybe one for a 5 block radius. It's insane to have to carry your trash around until you find a trashcan or some store employee is nice enough to take it for you.

Which brings me to my next point, at all the restaurants they usually don't give you any napkins. If you've seen me at the dining halls you would know how many napkins I go through. By the end of the meal I usually have a small mountain of napkins in the corner of my tray. But here they don't even have any on hand! And if you're lucky enough to find any they're about the size of a playing card, and rip after one time use. Real handy.

But it is not all gloom and doom here, one of the most refreshing things to see is you don't have to tip anyone at all!! Things are already cheap as it is but when you don't have to tip that's just the cherry on top. Waiters, taxi drivers, bartenders, you name it you don't have to tip! Sometimes I'll tip if the service is really good or the taxi driver is really friendly, but usually you don't need to and they don't want you to. Awesome. I must say everyone you meet is really friendly and more than willing to help you find what you're looking for or go out of their way to help you which is a completely different attitude than LA or NYC.

On the subject of food and convenience, McDonald's delivers!! How awesome is that haha I can get french fries delivered to me at 3am if I wanted to without even leaving my room, AND I don't have to tip (even though I'm not that big of a jerk haha). Most fast food places deliver and are open 24/7.

One thing that really amuses me out here is in the food, nearly everything has corn in it, no matter what type of food. The other day we ordered Domino's and what was underneath the cheese? Corn. Ordered a salad. Corn. Got a sandwich from 7-11. Corn inside. Dinner at the dining hall? Yep, corn with pudding.

For those of you that have driven in East LA (Rowland Heights, San Gabriel, Arcadia, etc) you know how crappy and crazy Asian drivers are. Now imagine a country full of Asian drivers that have even less regard for pedestrians and the rules of the road and you have Taiwan. Its definitely a free for all on the roads. People don't even drive in their lanes! It's more common to see cars driving in the middle of the lane dividers. And you can all but forget about traffic lights, because those are just suggestions.

Now I know why people look at American's differently and why we think FOBs are so weird. Stay tuned for the next post: Food part 2 woo woo.